Day 2

Currently trying to stay up for as long as possible so I'm really tired before I go to bed. I'm trying not to read stuff about dead cats (which I seem to have done a ridiculous amount of in the last 24 hours; cremating cats, how other cats have died, how to cope etc) but instead focus on tedious stuff that needs just a tiny bit of concentration. I need to be really tired so I'll hopefully just conk out and not lay there thinking about Cookie. I'm too scared to be alone at the moment so I also need to make sure that I sleep long enough so that my mum arrives at mine and wakes me up. I don't want to wake up on my own. I have my amazing cats and perfect Pug for company, but I'm scared of loving them at the moment, because I've never felt a loss like this before.

I hope tomorrow night is easier.